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infectus

Jun 07, 2008 20:44

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I'd been taking the pills again...

That was not something I was supposed to do. The pills aren't bad for you unless you take them the way I do. Too many. At once. Everything starts to feel heavier. I'm not tired but the pills are.

I get the feeling every time I lay down on the couch that this is not the place for sleep. If you're sleepy you should go to your bed and sleep. I think people who say that don't realize what it means to be really sleepy. But still I feel almost guilty for laying down here. It's a guilty pleasure.

This couch is too short for me. Or maybe it's perfect. There aren't many guidelines for what kind of couch is proper to sleep on. If I were to make some guidelines, I think I'd say that this one is perfect. Make sure you sleep on a couch that forces you into the fetal position. Sometimes I think humans were never meant to get out of the fetal position. That's probably the pills again...

In the midst of my Hell of addiction, lies, and slow death, God shows up. I use the capital G "God" because there cannot be any God other than what I'm experiencing. The sun shines in through my window. It's strange to think about what that means so let me say it another way. A nuclear explosion lasting for millions of years converts atoms from one periodic element into other periodic elements causing the formation of packets of energy to fly off in all directions some of which travel 93 million miles to arrive here outside my window. And somehow, miraculously, they are. Still. Warm.

This is nothing if it isn't God. Laying on a couch, in the sun, feeling warm. I know it is God because suddenly there is nothing else in the world. No pills. No lies. No world. Just couch. And warm. And I wonder why God spends his time with a lonely, wasted user. Why doesn't he give the white guy who flipped me off on Friday that parking spot he wanted? Why didn't he keep that Asian lady from running that bicyclist off the road? Why didn't he make that guy say the right thing to his girlfriend who was screaming at him through his window? Come to think of it, why doesn't he make me stop taking the pills?

Is it because there is no room for God in a parking spot or a traffic accident? Maybe God only shows up in the awe people have for the beauty in the world. If we don't see any beauty, there is no God. Maybe God won't help you get that raise and won't make the cars move for you and won't seal your marketing deal. But I'm here to tell you that, sinner or no, God will show up in that sunny nap on the couch and, as if he was apologizing for taking that sun away, he will give you a sunset over the mountains to make up for it.

Maybe these pills aren't such a bad thing after all...

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This story was written by infectus and has been brought you you by the letters C and O.

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